When I Doubt

Lately, I have had many reasons to be walking on water, so-to-speak, with respect to my faith.  I have seen God move in both my life and the lives of those around me.  I have been keeping my eyes on God through the highs of life, through the exciting things that are happening around me.  In the midst of those highs, struggles have come.  I have been drawn to Jesus because of the storms that swirl around me, and yet, I see Jesus right there beside me and I am not afraid.

This weekend, something different hit me, and I found myself doubting and fearing.  This morning, as I read in Matthew 14, I realized what happened from a Spiritual perspective.  In Matthew 14, Jesus had constrained his disciples to get into a ship after the feeding of the 5000 people.  He sent them away while he sent the multitudes away so that He (Jesus) could go into a mountain to pray.  There came up a storm in the night and the ship, on which the disciples were, was tossed by the waves.  It was literally the fourth watch of the night… the darkest part of the night… meaning it had been a long, strenuous night for the disciples.  During this watch, they saw Jesus walking toward the boat on the sea.  At first, they were troubled and they cried out for fear.  I find it interesting (although this is not the point of this blog) that it wasn’t the storm that troubled the disciples and made them fear, it was the sight of this figure coming towards them that made them fearful!  Jesus spoke and told them to “Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.” (Matthew 14:27)

Peter then thought he recognized the voice of Jesus and said, “Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.”  Jesus told him to come.  When Peter came out of the ship, he WALKED ON WATER.  This, for me, is like a spiritual high.  I believe that I am hearing from the Lord and I want to obey.  I am quick to do what I believe he is calling me to do.  That happened about a month ago.  I believed the Lord called me to something.  I prayed for a bit and then felt His confirmation.  I moved forward, made plans, and then continued moving forward… walking on water (so-to-speak).  But, “when he [Peter] saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid” (v. 30) and he began to sink!

This weekend, something about my plans became difficult.  There was a storm thrown into the mix that I did not foresee.  In my flesh, I cried out to God.  I decided in my fear that I was not going to move forward.  I began to sink.  I felt fear and anxiety over the situation.  I was sinking… because of my doubt.  When Peter began to sink, he cried out saying, “Lord, save me.”  I was in that place.  I knelt at the altar and someone, during our prayer time at church, read 1 Peter 5:6, “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time.”  Humility is simply taking no thought for yourself.  That is exactly what I was doing.  I was fearful.  I was afraid for myself, my emotions, my challenges.  I realized then that God had called me to this.  He knew waaaayyyy before I did what circumstances were going to surround this calling, even if I didn’t know.  He was telling me to do as He calls, not taking any thought for myself.  I need to walk in obedience.

Peter cried out while he was sinking.  He HAD NOT SANK!!  He knew to whom He needed to call out… and he did.  Immediately, Jesus stretched forth his hand and caught Peter.  His words to Peter spoke so clearly to me this morning, “O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?”  (Matthew 14:31)  This all happened WHILE Jesus and Peter were STILL ON THE WATER.

Maybe there are things God calls us to.  Maybe He calls us while we are on a spiritual high (again, so-to-speak).  We are walking in faith, even in the storms of life, and we are feeling brave because we have our eyes on Jesus.  But, then, maybe something gets thrown at us that we didn’t expect.  Remember, Jesus constrained the disciples to get on the ship.  He sat on a mountain praying.  He walked on water to the disciples.  He KNEW the storm was there!  Peter wasn’t sure that he heard the voice of Jesus, but when he was sure, he walked right out onto that water to meet Jesus.  Then, for a moment, he looked away and began to sink.  He didn’t completely sink… Jesus caught Him.  Jesus’s only words to Peter were, “Why did you doubt?”

Oh God, forgive me for doubting.  I am so grateful that You didn’t let me sink.  You showed me that you have “constrained me” for this time/event.  You knew beforehand what storms would come.  You simply want me to walk in humility, taking no thought for myself, and follow you.  You want to show Yourself strong.  You want to be exalted through my humility.  Oh God, teach me to keep my eyes clearly focused on you.  And, when I doubt, as we all do, thank you that you stretch forth your hand and catch us.  Oh God, thank you for your loving kindnesses.  In Jesus’s precious and Holy Name I pray, Amen.